Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The nose knows not (reposted)

Anyone who knows me knows the darkest secret I held throughout most of my life. Embarrassment kept me from revealing it to all but a couple of people. I have no sense of smell. Nothing. Nada. I couldn't tell if a skunk were sitting right behind me. I've had this condition my whole life. When I joined the military and was working in liquid fuels (a job where smell is required), I finally told the military doctors during an evaluation about this condition, and they ran dozens of test to find a possible cause for it, but of course found nothing. The first, and my favorite of these tests, was that I take a scratch and sniff book home and tell them what the pages smelled like to the best of my knowledge. Well, I am ignorant to smells. I simply asked the Doc, "How am I to do this if I have never smelled these things before. I couldn't tell you the difference between the smell of an orange to the smell of poop if by some chance my nose did start to work overnight."

He replied, "Just try it."

Military doctors are idiots.

After that I started to research the web for others like myself. It's uncommon but there are a few out there like myself. Many of them lost their smell after having taken a nasal spray, or gone through some sort of head trauma, and there are the even more rare people like myself who never had it to begin with. It's called anosmia, and in most cases, it is incurable.

 I finally broke down and explained it to my friends and family. I got several of the same responses. "If you can't smell, can you taste?"

 Yes. It doesn't affect my taste.

 "Well, how can that be? I thought the two went together."

 Heck if I know.

 When I started to write, I learned that you need to write what you know. That's hard to do when you a missing one of your senses. How do you explain what a summer night smells like when you have never smelled it, or freshly baked lasagna? I turned to my mom, who has a super nose. It was hard for her to put smells into words, but she was able to help me in the end and has been an encyclopedia of smells since then. She now concentrates on a smell, and will voluntarily put it into words to explain to me what I am missing. It's been a great help, and an even greater experience. For the first time in my life, I understand smells.

Thanks Mom!

Monday, November 29, 2010


This weekend I hosted my first thanksgiving. It went wonderfully. My turkey turned out great, the sides were delicious, and I was surrounded with family and friends. After getting up at 5am to start, fixing the dinner, eating, then taking the family out for fun at a local play place, and then to McDonalds play place for the kids, and not getting to bed until 12:30 , I was exhausted the next day. Today I woke with immense pain in my back that led to a migraine, and have struggled to clean my home. I have had to plan for my daughter's birthday this weekend, and decide what gift we can get her that she would love. In all, I will be thrilled when the holidays are over. It's really exhausting having to plan road trips and shop.

I haven't had energy to even write my blog this weekend. I think I will just pick up where I left off tomorrow…



Friday, November 26, 2010


That's right, today I am to learn not to be selfish. Everyone, and I mean everyone, is selfish in some way or another. In this instant gratification world today, people's selfishness is worse than ever before. You ask so much of others. When being selfless in love you have to learn to think more for the other than for yourself. You can't help but be a little self-centered from time to time, that's only human, but if you don't curb the me, me, me impulse, and do more for your spouse, your relationship is doomed.

Last night was night three with very little sleep. At three a.m. I finally broke. It was selfish of me, but I was frustrated to be the only one suffering the lack of sleep in order to calm the kids, or quiet the dog. I'm ashamed to admit that in my frustration, I threw a tantrum that woke my husband, and probably scared the jeebies out of him. My husband said, as he was reading over my shoulder just now, that it wasn't really a tantrum, but more like the anti-Christ had taken over my body. In my own defense I rarely ever snap but when I do, it's a doosy.

He finally got up to help with the kids and allowed me to get some sleep before I turned into zombie mom, and started trying to eat brains. He spent the rest of the night sleeping with the kids. I haven't had a full night's sleep in nearly two weeks, or maybe longer. The kids are either tag teaming me every hour, the dog starts whining, or my husband transforms himself into a chainsaw resting right next to my ear. So yes, when it comes to sleep I can be a tad bit selfish.

What I learned from that experience, was that instead of allowing myself to get to that breaking point, I need to let my husband know when I am getting to the edge and allow him to help me. I need to quit taking everything on by myself and instruct my hubby in what he can do to make it a little easier on me for the benefit of the rest of the household. As the old saying goes, if mama isn't happy, no one is happy. I have been much happier lately after my husband and I have started to talk more, and helping each other more in the daily chores of raising a family. We are both still learning, but our relationship has gotten much stronger over this past week. Even after my little episode last night. We just laugh off those moments where we screw up, and try to make the best of what we learned from the mistake.

Today we have family driving in from Arkansas to spend the holiday with us. I have been extremely busy trying to ready the house, plan what I will be cooking, and figure out where everyone will be able to sleep. It's possible I got myself a little stressed in all the excitement. I'm looking forward to having my sisters here this weekend. They are such fun to be around. Instead of getting worked up on how to make everything work out, I need to just relax and enjoy the time we have with them. Yes, I'm a bit of a control freak. It's inherited, and something I have been working on for quite some time now.

There will be little time to write this weekend, so I will concentrate on my family, and do my best to update my blog. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!



Thursday, November 25, 2010


Day two, and on top of continuing with patience, I am to practice kindness. There are several ways you can show kindness to your spouse. Anytime you put your spouse's needs ahead of your own, you are showing kindness. The Love Dare breaks kindness down into four parts as gentleness, helpfulness, willingness, and initiative. When using gentleness we are careful of how you treat your partner, always try to be sensitive even when telling your spouse something harsh. In practicing helpfulness you make sure your spouse's needs are met. Helping around the house, cooking dinner, or just listening when they are upset are just a few of the things that can be done to help your partner and make their life less stressful. Willingness means that you are willing to compromise in an argument, or to not complain, and to be willing to listen first. Lastly, we learn to take the initiative. Taking the initiative means that if you see something that needs doing, you don't wait for the other person to do it. Whether that mean being first to forgive, the first to smile, the first to serve… well, I think you get the idea.

I'm not sure about how I am complete this task. I try every day to be a kind person and to try and be Christ-like. I try to make sure others are cared for before I care for myself. The only thing I can think that I need to work on would be forgiveness. I'm a grudge holder. It's a major flaw in my character makeup. It's hard to let go of the pain other's cause you, and to forgive them. It's so much easier to hold it against them and to remind them time and again about what they had done to you. I need to let go of the past, and embrace the future. That doesn't mean that you should put yourself in a situation that is bad for you or health. If a relationship is toxic to your health, it is sometimes best to remove yourself from the danger zone. You can still forgive the offending person, but if they don't love you enough to care about your well being, its best that you put some space between you and them. If you love someone, you put their needs first. You bend over backwards to make sure that you do everything possible to make their life easier and to try your best to never do anything that would ever harm them, mentally or physically.

I'm still working on patience. Yesterday was easy enough. I lost it once or twice when the kids were screaming at me after staying up nearly all night with them, because they refused to sleep, and insisted on taking turns on waking up every hour. An act they repeated again last night. I tried my best not to show my frustration, to let go of it and remain calm around my family. It helped when my husband took the kids for a few minutes to allow me a short break from the craziness, and to unwind a little. It's going to be much harder today. I'm really tired, having gotten up early with Bubby after getting up repeatedly last night. As I type, he is tugging at me, crying at me, and trying his best to reach my laptop keys. My husband is off for the holiday and since we are doing our turkey this weekend when his sisters are here, I'm sure I can manage a nap, and maybe even some writing time. My house is clean, aside from the small amount of laundry that will be finished today. I'm looking forward to having family and friends here.

Today is the day for thankfulness. I am most thankful for my loved ones, my wonderful children, and my wonderful, loving husband. I am thankful for everyone who supports me in my writing, and every other thing I do in my life.

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and are blessed in all you do in your life! Happy Thanksgiving!



Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The love dare

Last night Fireproof was on TV. I had watched it before when it first came out on DVD, and then again at a church function. It's an amazingly inspirational movie about learning to do more for your spouse, falling back in love, and strengthening you relationship with your spouse and God. When the movie was over, and the tears had dried, I decided that maybe I should do the love dare. I grabbed my kindle and ordered it for about seven bucks. This morning I read the chapter one, day one, of forty days.
Today I am to practice patience. Most usually I am a very patient woman, but lately it has seemed I am quicker to temper. My hubby has a very quick temper but he tries not to bring it home or show it. I did get a little upset last night when he got off work and helped his friends all evening while I fixed dinner, washed the dishes, bathed the kids, put clean bedding on all the beds, and then put the kids to bed. I guess what really upset me was that the night before we had said we were going to spend the evening together. After reading my chapter this morning I realized that I was being selfish. He had been helping his friend change out the bumper on their car so that we could get his old bumpers out of our garage. His friend is an airman living in the dorms and has no storage space. In addition to helping us, I'm sure my hubby could use a little guy time in the garage. I suppose I was just jealous. I have only a few friends here, and they are usually busy ladies. I miss having companions to hang out with. Maybe that is the reason I have had such a hard time letting go of my MMORPG that my friends from Hawaii still play. I still have a connection with them, and can still goof off online with them, though the game has lost interest to me. Already, the dare is making me look within myself and find what I can fix in myself to make our relationship stronger. It also reminds me of God's patience for his children. No matter our sins, God is always ready to forgive us if we repent.
I have forty days in the dare, and I will try and post daily my mission for the day, how the previous day resulted, and the positive and negative reactions the dare is having in my relationship.
I dare you to take the love dare with me. No matter how great your marriage, or how strong your relationship with God, take the dare! See how it will improve your life not only with your spouse and God, but with every other person in your life. You can order The Love Dare from amazon.com, go to any christen store, or even go to wal-mart and pick up a copy. I also recommend watching the movie Fireproof.
On a side note, I had a breakthrough on the book. I finally busted through chapter 24. I'm still unsure on if it was good or not, and it has been sent to my mom for a review. She should be reading it by tomorrow, and will let me know if the chapter needs work or if I should carry on and move on to chapter 25. I won't have much time for working on the book this weekend because I will have family in and will be cooking my very first turkey! Blogs may be the only writing I manage for about a week. My hubby is having surgery on his ankle Tuesday, and I will be playing nurse for a few days. What a busy week this will be!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Turkey Week

With Thanksgiving rounding the corner, I have been busy preparing my home for family. That's right; I will be having Thanksgiving at my house this year. Having decided and prepared sleeping arrangements for seven more people in my house, put up the Christmas tree, wonder where I can get a dining table and chairs for my guests to eat on, figure out how to cook a turkey and what other dishes I will prepare, and am currently in the process of washing bedding, I have had very little writing time, or even inspiration for that matter. Yep, I'm still stuck. Cursed chapter…

My problems with my brother and worries for my mother are heavy on my mind. I know this is a major part of my blockage (aside from the literal sinus blockage, and migraines), and that I shouldn't worry so much about things that are out of my hands, but unfortunately that is part of my nature. My mom's advise, to put the book down and let it come back to me. I guess that beats writing, deleting, writing, deleting, writing, deleting…

This week I think I have enough to keep me preoccupied until it does come back to me. I still plan on trying to attend at least one TRP a day though. Even if I do no more than tap out a blog or attempt that blasted chapter, at least I will be writing. Hopefully I will manage some reading time as well. That always helps to pull me out of a funk.

My kids were pretty good while daddy was in Arkansas hunting. He didn't get anything, but that's ok to me. I'm still sick of deer meat from last year. Allyssa was up with me when daddy got home last night, but other than a quick hug and a "Hi Daddy," she didn't have much to do with him. I think she was just tired and clinging to Mama. Bubby slept all night for the second night in a row in his new toddler bed. He is getting to be such a big boy! I trimmed his hair today, which took twice as long as it should have due to his constant movement. I had to bribe him with Cheetoes, and then with a sucker when we ran out of chips. It turned out pretty cute! He looks like a boy again!

I have a house that I have avoided cleaning all morning. I guess it's time I get to it, and quit procrastinating…



Friday, November 19, 2010

Rockin Out with Rhapsody

All writers love music. It's like a rule. It drives us, and inspires us. On those most difficult of scenes the right music can pull you from that pit of despair. For a long time I relied on my preexisting ITunes music. I have an extensive library, but it's 90% country (it's my roots, so hush.) When I'm writing I need more variety. Sorry ITunes, but you just don't cut it for me. Next I tried utube. All that variety, but you have to constantly go back to the webpage to find a new song. So, no utube. Finally I tried Rhapsody. You get a 14 day free trial, and in those 14 days I fell in love. All the music my little ears could ever listen to. I have it on my laptop, my desktop, and even on my Samsung Galaxy S.

I have found so many new and old artists that I love, from Yanni to Flyleaf. Rhapsody has even shown me other artists I never knew existed! I love it! Now Rhapsody, kick my lazy muse in the tushy and tell her to get back to work. I haven't heard any voices, other than that of my screaming offspring, in nearly two days! I'm starting to get lonely.

While Rhapsody and my muse have a smacdown, the kiddos and I will be dinning on fine Pizza Hut pizza with Pepsi while we watch a movie and then snack on popcorn and (dare I say it… I dare!) Chocolate! Whoohooo! Friday night pizza! I love it!



Where was I goin?

I was so excited a few days ago when I started writing chapter 24. It flowed so smoothly from my fingertips. Suddenly, it stopped flowing. I had lost where I was going. I felt like I was just rambling along hoping to get back on track and that what I was writing would work out in the end. It doesn't! It's horrible!

It doesn't help that my kids have decided it's a great day to scream, and it's too cold to shoo them outside to play. It doesn't help that my hubby is out hunting. It really doesn't help that I have had massive migraines all week long that makes me light and sound sensitive. Of course, that's when the kids go absolutely crazy and scream extra loud!

I guess it's just one of those weeks. I can't even keep the house clean for more than ten minutes before the family has it destroyed again. Drives me crazy. On top of family turmoil that I can't go into here, I'm on the verge of wanting to scream. I wonder if they would allow me my laptop if I put myself in the crazy house? They're coming to take me away haha hehe. To the funny farm!

Well, sitting here complaining isn't getting my house clean, or working out my chapter problems. Guess it's time to get to work…



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This is not my first blog. I have been over at word press for a year already, but a lot of my friends are Bloggers. I decided it might be handy to have my blog here as well. If you want to see my posts before I created this blog at Blogger go to http://amymcbay.wordpress.com/
No new posts will be updated to wordpress. I have found my home on blogger :)