I haven't posted much lately, mostly because I swore I would never leave a ton of whiny posts here, and that is how I have felt lately. I tend to worry and stress more than necessary and am prone to depressions. Not sleeping is a symptom of it and only makes it worse. It's getting better though thanks to my morning pages. They help me get rid of the negativity every morning so that I can enjoy the day with my kids. I haven't stressed as much over my WIP. I decided to let it stew while I was working out my moodiness. I really don't think I would make it through the day without the morning pages. Yeah, I know, I don't seem like one of those people who get depressed. I always seem so happy. What can I say? I'm great at hiding things.
This month I started a course called The Artist way. Although I don't think the course is really helping, I do know that the morning pages, one of the biggest tools in the course, have helped me a ton. I feel like a fog is lifted after my pages. I can think clearer, and I'm much less cranky. The moodiness tends to return by late evening, but having my head on straight the rest of the day has been absolutely wonderful.
The morning pages often have a way of telling you how you can solve your own problems. For instance, the ending of WF, that I have stressed over for weeks now. I realized one morning that I had not been reading lately. Nothing since my trip to Oklahoma. So I took a few days to read and ended up devouring a whole trilogy. Although its storyline was basic, the love triangle was been there done that, and the typos were abundant, I found what I was missing in my own WIP. I have a ton of notes in my cell for revision, and for the ending. Last night I sent off the latest chapter to my alpha beta (Mom) to make sure it was working. I'm still waiting for her to get back to me before moving on. I have to know that I'm on the right track.
Another thing my morning pages revealed to me is my loneliness. I miss having friends that love doing what I do. Right now, I love to write. So I decided I needed to get with my writer buddies here in Abilene (there are only two at the moment) and start a group. Meet up, talk books and writing, but most of all, have fun. I need that connection that I lost when I left Hawaii. When I had to leave the best friends I had ever had.
I know that my morning pages are making a difference in my attitude, because my husband asks me daily, "Did you do your morning pages today?"
He lost that jealousy of the pages sometime after the first four days. I guess he found me more pleasant to be around. Although he is deeply curious about what is in the pages and asks constantly only to be told its private, he has respected me enough not to insist on telling him what I write.
The pages have even improved on my typing time. I started typing about 20 words a minute, which is pretty slow I know, and am up to 30 words a minute as of today. Maybe by the time Nanowrimo this year I will be able to pound out an insane amount of words a day and complete the challenge.
Although the pages are meant to be three pages longhand, I find it easier to type them. I don't have to concentrate so hard on my writing and am able to just let the words flow as they come to me. Every morning I log in at http://750words.com and dump. I unload everything I have been holding in (I'm the world's worst at holding things in…) Afterwards, I can check my mood, what words I used most, how long it took me to write, and my words per minute. Then I copy and paste in Word, save, print, hole punch, and put my pages in a binder.
If there is nothing else I get out of The Artist Way, I will keep the pages. They truly help.
Try them for yourself!