Wednesday, December 5, 2012

IWSG: Guilt

It's that time of month again! Time for Insecure Writer's Support Group hosted by Alex J. Cavanaugh. A support group to help writers with all the woes of writing. Don't let my upbeat attitude fool you, I have plenty of writerly issues!
When I started writing it was purely a hobby. As my story grew so did my dream of actually becoming a writer.I wanted to have my book published and read by others, to share my dreams with the world. A dream all writers share I’m sure.
I started out writing only at night, in my own time, when the family was asleep and no one demanded my attention. I was a closet writer, and not even my Hubz knew what I was doing up late every night. Then I started to study the craft more, and my writing took up more of my time. I was quickly becoming obsessed with this creative power I had, and eventually I was found out. My Hubz was angry at first that I hid this part of me, but as he did with my art, he was supportive.
I decided I wanted writing to be more than just a hobby, but I still only write in my free time. I can’t write while there are chores to be done, or family to tend to. I feel guilty if I leave the dishes in the sink so that I can write. At this very moment my house is a disaster from decorating my daughters room for her birthday, and it is just eating me up to be sitting here writing when I have so much house work to do. I have the permission to write, but I can’t overcome the guilt I feel when I put my writing first.
Is it because it still feels like a hobby, that I still find it enjoyable, that it still feels like a reward to be claimed at the end of the day when I have completed all of my tasks? I want to be able to turn that other part of me off when it comes time to write, to not be nagged by the things I can get to later. It’s hard enough working around the family.
Last month I dropped everything for writing. I had easy pre-made meals, my house was less than perfectly clean (yes, I’m a neat freak), and for the first time ever, writing was number one on my task list.
I got up, took my daughter to school, fixed my son breakfast, then settled in at my keyboard with a cup of coffee. It was hard. I couldn’t stay focused. So I started doing chores at night so the house didn’t look so bad the next day. That took time from the Hubz who after a long day at work, wanted to just be around me and be my focus of attention.
It feels like no matter where I schedule my writing time, I always find something else I should be doing, or someone else I should be paying attention to.
When does the guilt stop?


  1. If I'm any indication, and I'm 63, it never stops. But you can't let that stop you from doing what you were meant to do. Hang in there.

  2. Never! The guilt never leaves. I always feel I'm neglecting my children or house when I'm writing.

  3. I can ignore stuff for a while. Except my wife of course.
    It's all a balancing act. Find a way to be mostly clean. Spend a little time with your kids and husband. Schedule a little time to write. Just don't give up - you'll find your balance.