Tuesday, January 14, 2014

A Happier New Year


Happy New Year!

OK, so I'm a little behind in getting my resolutions together. I just didn't want the same thing I had last year, or the year before that. It seemed pointless to comment on my writing goals. I still have writing goals of course, but they are a bit muted at the moment.

It's this time of year I evaluate my life, what I've done I'm proud of, and things I'm not so proud of. This year was tougher than most. It seems 13 lived up to it's unlucky superstition. If it could go wrong, it would.

As such, I've battled a depression that seems to be attacking my very soul. I don't feel myself, and though I put on the mask, and pretend all is peachy, it's not. There are dark thoughts behind that forced smile. I push on, for the sake of my family, but honestly, I'm tired...

So when it came time to do my yearly evaluation, I decided 2014 was going to be about making me happy, about fixing myself, and about doing all the things I have denied myself out of the excuse that it didn't matter. It obviously does, even if it is only to me.

Yesterday I started to plan, which involved a ton of tasking, and my planner on my tablet. I love my tablet and it goes where I go. It was a Black Friday deal at Verizon that my Hubz got me for Christmas. Add the line to your account and get the Ellipsis 7 free! Which is like 10 bucks a month for internet, and a fab little tablet. After pairing it with the Sharkk Bluetooth keyboard I purchased cheap from Amazon (seriously, 9 bucks), it is a writers heaven. I have already been back at the morning pages, only now I keep them on an SD card instead of a binder. Less waste that way.

Another part of my plan is to take more me time. Take my tablet, my writing folder, and my headphones, and go to the coffee shop for some uninterrupted writing, or sit in my little corner of the office and play FFXI (Yes, I still play... Some of us couldn't afford to upgrade our computers just to push the graphics for FFXIV...).
For Christmas Hubz and I activated our Final Fantasy XI accounts once more. My kids are less reliant on me so I can treat my self to some game time. I missed escaping to that world, where I can relax but keep my mind active. Also my little nerdlett Allyssa likes to play, and we get some great mother daughter time. I think getting back to who I am at heart will help me feel more like me again, and yes, that means totally geeking out on a regular basis.

Easiest Maat fight ever!

I'm going to write, draw, and create something every day! It makes me happy, and is a release from reality. It's where I am in control (well, except when the characters take control...). I think it will be good for my soul to have that sort of creative release every day.

There will be more updates on the blog, as I take it back from being just about my writing. This blog was intended to be about me. My likes, my dislikes, things I'm geeking on, and adventures I've had. Sometimes it may be a little one liner and a picture, and other times it

may be a thousand words. I'm going to start with once a week posts, and work my way up from there.

This year, I'm going to try to make more friends, and be a better judge of who I allow into my life. This year we learned a great deal of who our friends are, and who was waiting for us to turn our backs so they could lodge a knife in it. I'm thankful for the real friends in my life, even if most of them are online, they kept my head above water when I was drowning, and never asked for a thing in return.

Finally, I'm going to learn to forgive.

I've carried so much hate in my heart the last few years, and the past few months have been the tipping point for me. I can't sleep without out thinking of the people who have wronged me. I have bad dreams of those people, tormenting me over and over. It's creating a darkness that has no place in my soul. I always try and do for others, always try to be the light, but lately I don't see the point in it.

I've locked myself in my house, comfortable with not seeing people. It's time I go back out into the world, and rekindle my sense of adventure. It's time I put myself back out there to help people who need me. It's time I forgive the ones that have hurt me, and move on, because dwelling on it only poisons my heart to the point that I doubt everyone.

So if you can spare some hugs, and happy thoughts, I could sure use them as I step out into 2014 to make my life a happier one.

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