Friday, April 6, 2018

Falling in and out of writing

Writing has been difficult for me. I would have said lately, but it is not just as of late. No, I have had the issue since moving from Texas. I don’t know if the once every few month outing with my one and only friend (an amazing writer) had influence over my productivity, or if I just fell out of love with writing in general.

Several times I have tried to rekindle the flame I felt while writing. As if what I was writing would be some new mega-hit book series. Every time I start out strong, then stumble a bit and then give up. I’m starting to believe it is my own self-doubt getting in the way. Why should I try? I’ll never be as great as Stephen King, Anne Rice, or my idol Anne McCaffrey. So why should I waste my time twiddling away at the keyboard writing something that will probably only be read by my mother?

Because it is my story.

I may not have the wit, the vocabulary, or even the education of those other amazing writers, but I have my own imagination. It’s kept me company when kids at school thought I was too weird to befriend, it’s fed me the most amazing yet sometimes terrifying dreams as I slept, and it so often plays movies seen by no other but me as I sit and stare at a wall or out the window. My stories, my imagination, I think that's worth not giving up on.

So no matter how many times I have to start again, or pick up the red pen once more, or force myself to the keyboard for a measly 500 words a day, I will continue on. Come migraine or fibro fog, I will continue my story, and someday, I’ll share it with the world.

Thursday, February 8, 2018

Creating Happy

It's been a rough start to a new year. It seems like whatever can go wrong... will go wrong. Not going to lie, it's taken nearly all the steam I had built up just to keep my lil' noggin above the water and keep from drowning.

As usual, I turn to creativity to rejuvenate that steam. I don't know why making art of any form seems to pull me from the gloom I settle into. It starts with doodles on paper, then progresses to photoshop paintings, and if I'm lucky I pick up enough momentum to write.

This week I have opened up Wild Fire for the absolute final edit. Everyone will be happy and I can go on to work on my other works without complaint that I should finish WF first. I'm chugging right along on the edits, though, and after such a long absence from this story, I'm actually enjoying the read through.

I've started to stream my art from time to time. It's not much right now because I haven't been consistent, but I hope to make a real go at it. It pushes me out of the shy shell and forces me to socialize a bit. Keep an eye out for my next stream!

I'm also contemplating opening up art commissions... Something I've never done and am nearly terrified of doing. I still carry plenty of self-doubts that I'm good enough to attempt that venture. I did, however, learn to make twitch emotes today, and gifted a streamer I was watching the first one I ever made. He was cracking me up while playing FFXIV and his cat wanted in his way. He kept yelling "CAT! No cat not now!"

So I did what I do when something amuses me, and doodled it. Then since I was studying how to make emotes, I turned it into one.

The streamer thought it was so cute and thanked me on stream! Yay!

I'll take all the happy I can get right now, even if it is giving away free emotes to strangers. What can I say, making other people happy, makes me happy!